We have a guest writer today.
My relationship with Papso was a love/hate thing.
In my formative years, our home was run like the military base; no talking, no walking, no breathing when Daddy was around.
I hear my neighbors run out singing "Daddy oyoyo" but hearing dad's car honking was a reminder to freeze.
I stay in my room not wanting to be seen or heard. This went on till I turned 10 or thereabouts.
' Ewo lo shi gan? I'm tired men! If na die I die, this bull shit must end'
A sudden boldness entered me and I began to feel free. Then I became rude, then I opposed him and all he stood for.
Daddy was human after all. I must have been like 'Ogbeni come down from your high horse'. He said one, I said 10. I was labeled the black sheep as I cared. This monster he created, they should deal with. l was still a child.
Though I had become a monster, I still craved Daddy's attention. I would ask Daddy "Don't you feel a type of way when other children run to their dads and sing welcome home and yours don't? "
He shrugged it off and never answered.
"Daddy, tell me a story."
He tells me the same story for the 10th time and I ask rudely " is that the only story you know?" He looks at me like a pest and says
"Go! " like he wants his peace.
At that point, it didn't matter anymore. Since he didn't want to be a daddy in that way, he became my ATM and I sure did milk him. In other ways, I realize he cared. He couldn't stand it when I was ill.
Growing up, I suffered from a rare condition that caused me to have seizures. Treating it was super expensive. I was on the drug for almost twelve years. I had to have an EGC done and at the time only two hospitals in Lagos had the equipment; Eko hospital Ikeja and Royal hospital Lagos Island.
Those hospitals charge blood, not money. Their fees were that high but I never missed any appointments. Daddy personally took me for all my appointments. Did I mention he picked me and dropped me off at school every day till Senior Secondary School 2 when I insisted I could cope with public transportation cause I needed freedom?
He did care but I missed the hints; that once in a blue moon when he acts out of character and showed he cared, so I hated him.
I hated him for not loving me the way I wanted. Still, he cared because there is a strong bond between father and daughter that can't be explained.
Daddies love daughters and daughters love their Daddies, period. I swear I loved him even when I hated him.
I continued to live my life on my own terms, collecting money, and living just how I liked. I figured once I was in school, I would keep getting money and I managed to stay in school and even graduated with my set.
I wasn't a dull child, I was just a disturbed child and even if mummy loved with the love of a thousand people, it just wasn't making up for dad's emotional neglect.
A pattern was born. I started loving those who didn't love me, chasing guys who emotionally shut me out. The more you were emotionally unavailable the more I longed for you. Thinking back, there were guys who loved me silly, who would do anything for me but I paid them no attention. I chased the ones that didn't really want to be there.
After my Youth Service, I got pregnant and told my parents. The young man and his family were invited. I lost the pregnancy and the relationship went South. I cried, I was unhappy and for the first time, Daddy was a shoulder to cry on, lean on... He was everything a daughter needed and never did he beat me up with words or actions about messing up by falling pregnant. 'Falling pregnant' is the new and acceptable description for an unplanned pregnancy, lol.
He helped me heal and swore he would throw me a wedding party that would shake the earth when I wanted to get married. I really wanted a low key parlor thingy but dad won't hear of a parlor party. His only daughter? He was going to go all out and he did.
Unfortunately, my marriage was a problematic one. He never once blamed me but supported me in every way and I remember him saying
" Come home. If you are too ashamed to live here, where you grew up, we could move to my other property in the outskirts of town or you could move into one of the flats there."
He became grandpa, cum dad, to my daughter, doing school runs for my daughter and he never complained.
The same dad that almost damaged me, healed me. I got scars but I'm super glad they healed.
Daddy's girl? Yes, I am.
Photo credit: amazon
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RoyaltyFly is a writer who loves to pen down her many life experiences in her journey to healing.
I hope you enjoyed reading and you are able to learn a few things here.
What were your experiences like, growing up with father/ parent?
Share your experiences with us in the comment section.
Remember our story drops tomorrow.
There will be popcorn to go round.
PS: happy birthday to all Our special tribe celebrating this month.
Ope, Ero and Emma. We love appreciate you.