It happened today again.
This time it was right in the presence of the twins and I wasn't sure if I was going to make it out alive.
Jay beat me and again, with the fullness of his might.
As if he always had to follow through with the process, he started with the argument, then a few slaps on both sides of my face. I have long resolved in my heart of heart that since I was a sacrificial lamb when he slaps on one cheek I would turn the other. After all the holy book says so.
The slaps were accompanied by a couple of blows. The final part, as always, he brought out his belt and unleashed it on my whole body.
All along the twins were in the living room watching their father, my beloved husband whom I have especially loved and served for the past six years beat me to a pump.
Andre must have said something because I saw his lips move. I can't quite remember what it was but I could almost hear him mutter something like "mummy vran".
Yes, that was it. " mummy vran arvay" (mummy run away) my world! Did Andre just make a whole full-sentence?.
I almost started breakdancing hearing my baby talk when I remembered I was faced with a Goliath, my tormentor.
I guess my 18 months old son couldn't bear the sight of his father beating his mother so he asked me to run.
So I took his advice and decided to run but I was unlucky, and unlike the story in the good book, this Goliath was stronger than me and it didn't look like I was going to win the battle.
There I was in front of my giant, no stones, no sling, and no army behind me. Just me, my 18 months old twins Andre and Asher ( oh! Asher, My calm in the raging storm) all he could do was cry at this point.
I knew I wasn't going to make it out of here alive. The look on Jay's face was fierce. I could see the fire in his eyes like that of a dragon ready to snuff life out of his prey.
I had so many flashes.
I saw my entire life right in front of me.
I thought of my children. My precious boys. I thought of all the hardship and abuse they will have to go through if I wasn't there for them. I thought of how they will not even remember me or know what I look like by the time they are turning 5. Who am I kidding? Will they even live up to 5 years old?
I closed my eyes and tried to pray. I promise I did but I couldn't. Somehow I didn't know how to pray anymore, no matter how hard or how many times I try to pray so I asked Chi to make a recorded prayer for me and that's what I've been listening to each time I try to force myself to pray.
I couldn't reach my phone; certainly not in the presence of my Goliath. So I closed my eyes and heard Andrea again.
"Mummy vran arvay"
I was about to run when Jay served another fist on my face and I blanked out.
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Read part two of "full circle" here
Photo credit: bbc.com
© Rachel Jesuseme