JOHNNY JUST COME

Hey Tribe!
How's the weather treating you all?
I got a little something to warm you up.

So contrary to popular belief NYSC in 2010 wasn't the first time I came to Lagos. 
            E don tay for the matter! 
    
My first time in Lagos was in 2008. I cannot go into the shenanigans of what I came to do in this city then because all my village elders are following this blog and I will not like to be summoned. Thank you very much.

Yeah, so when I first came here, you already know it was on a shenanigans level and everything seemed all well and good just like in the movies. Logistics was perfect. 

Then, NYSC happened and I got the real "welcome to Lagos " special kind of induction. 
       NYSC 2010


I  cannot recall the number of times I missed my way in this city, I still do. I mean the bus stops and bridges look almost the same, and the bus drivers and conductors didn't help matters at all. 

Then I  will always be like "good morning sir, please I will alight at Ikeja under the bridge. Kindly let me know when you get there". I'm a posh girl please!
Sigh! What was I thinking speaking queens English to Mr conductor who has shinned his eyes with whatever form of early morning highnesss (alcohol, drugs, just anything).

The driver or conductor trying to get passengers (which is his main concern) will say "fine girl oya woole (enter)! Anywhere you drop #200". Then I have to jump in, Jesus!!!
I'm not going to run after a moving vehicle. Of course, the conductor never remembers my bus stop, sigh! and then I'm lost.

My brother, Victor was always in my rescue.
Victor my Lagos google map

The minute I leave the house, he will be sure to receive my call where I'm always crying that I've missed my way again and again. And when he ask "what do you see?". How am I supposed to answer that when everything and everywhere looks the same? My reply “people, lots of people, bridges and plenty cars!”. Lol.

Then the traffic! I always wondered why there were so many people on the road at the same time every single day.
 
It was in Lagos traffic I first learned how to take gala and lacasera, no jokes, I was such a posh babe until I  jammed Lagos.

I used to sleep for a living (seriously). I could sleep for 24hours straight and won't even get up to eat. Well, that was before Tana and Tilda happened, getting six hours of sleep now is a rare privilege.

Lagos traffic was a blessing in disguise for me. Since I can't arrive home early because of the traffic, I simply take my nap on the bus. All I needed was my muffler, I will explain.

When you see that muffler around my neck, you will think I am a cool girl trying to look fly but what that muffler is for will shock you. Once my sleep mood is activated, I simply bring down my muffler from my neck and use it as a band around my waist to tie my handbag to my body just in case someone is trying to be funny around me (Please don't laugh, I learned that from my grandmother). 
                 Lol

And the days the bus driver takes me past my bus stop just because of sleep, I will gladly walk back home because I cannot afford to miss my dear sleep. 

Don't let me get started on the guys who sell used items aka okrika under the bridge. Lord! Their songs and display of getting customers to buy their wares get me every time. I have never seen anything of such in my life before. I always stop by to be entertained.

It was in this Lagos I first heard a vendor say "buy original sweet cold mineral here". Like is there supposed to be a fake bitter mineral? 
The marketing levels sha!

Of course, my inquisitive mind won't let me rest. I bought the "original sweet cold mineral" from her. 

You could safely say I fell for that.
I guess it was welcome to Lagos for me.
Johnny just come!

What was your first time experience in your city? Please share your experience with us in the comment section.

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Special birthdayshoutst out to my very special people Christy, Ehis, and Lois.

© Rachel Jesuseme

Comments

  1. Thanks for the shoutouts. Its been a blessing knowing you. Keep up with the positivity, Its infectious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww, you are one awesome special person. Your ginger level is super high. God bless you loads Ehis.

      Delete
  2. Imagine entering a city for the first time in the night. Your closest contact who's miles away fails to reach out. When that finally happens you can't explain where you stand.

    My first time in cities like Uyo is quite unforgettable

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  3. My first Lagos experience was very funny and disappointing at the same time... Was visiting Lagos for the first time and I had plans of returning to Benin same day... But told some friends in case I find it difficult to complete my program for the day... I could not and they were no where to be found... Anthony area of Lagos, the most affordable hotel was N25,000 for a night... I was confused, until a friend mangedm to take my call.. I can't explain why I should take a bike for N500, but when the journey started that night... Abeg.. the journey started with bus, from Anthony to a particular bus stop before the bike... It was a terrible experience. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol, the journey never ends. welcome to Lagos Ejiro

      Delete
  4. I alighted at a very late hour in Uyo from an 18-seater and staggered to the transport station, wet and tired. My phone battery surviving the last bar was used to reach out to my relative. I couldn't describe where I was and my relative wouldn't just speak English. I was twice lost....

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    Replies
    1. Oh dear! Such a terrible experience Jimmy. I'm glad you survived it.

      Delete
  5. Very hilarious experience indeed.
    Some of us that were born in Lagos have not even mastered all the axis not to talk of new comers. Lolz
    Getting lost in Lagos is for everyone. Lose your own and be happy.
    Just make sure you have enough money on you sha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol, that is so true. Just have money when you are lost

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  6. Lolllll. What a Lagos welcome. Smiled all through the read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad it made you smile. Thanks for reading Orry

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  7. Igbo boys took me for a ride when the first day I got to Nsukka. I haggled a fare from N1000 to N500 with a keke man, thinking I got myself a very good deal, to later find out the usual fare per person was N30🙆🏽‍♀️. Even if he had carried a full load of 4 people, go come would have been N240. I paid what Lagosians would call 'owo omogo😂

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ewo o!!! What?
      That Keke man will sure throw a party that night. That's some serious Johnny just come level.

      Delete

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